Sometimes the weight of here is just too much. The burden of the moment nearly breaks my back. I cry up in confusion and anger to my God, “WHY? Have I offended you? Do you love me this little? Where are you in this moment, here, right now?”
My here is overwhelming right now, as I write at 3:47 am because I cannot possibly go back to sleep yet. My youngest son just had a febrile seizure about ten minutes ago. For the record, he’s NOT the one with epilepsy. He is one of the healthy kiddos in my household. But he had a seizure.
I already felt the weight on my back was too much. Now this. I don’t blame God, and I don’t want you to hear that in my rant/whine.
I wonder if this is my fault. If I have pissed off my powerful demon enough, and not loved God enough, that I am opening a door for this to happen.
And there is is. The bad teaching of decades past . If something bad is happening in my here and now, it must be my fault. I have character issues. It’s not God. It’s not life. It’s not possible for anything but me to be at fault.
Nope. I refuse to believe those lies this time. Not here. Not now. I still don’t know why this happened, but it is not because of me. It sucks, but it’s not my fault another child of mine had a seizure.
This is part of the Five Minute Fridays link up. To find out more about Five Minute Fridays, click here.