I remember what life was like before seizures came into the picture of our family. It was peaceful. We had hope. We knew that God was for us. There was no question about His active involvement in our lives.
Fast forward ten years, and it feels like a distant memory. As if I remember someone else’s life. I feel a great sadness well up within me when I try to recall what it was like to fully trust God, no matter way, no strings attached.
Now every day is a struggle. To choose to believe. To overlook the pain and sorrow. To bypass uncertainty of God’s awareness of our situations. To wonder why His love is so great, but His presence is so minimal.
Some would say the place I remember is one of naivety. If so, I long for naivety to return. I miss it.
Pain and sorrow and fear and worry and wondering if we’ve left God and wondering if He’s left us and confusion and seizures and tears and body aches from falling during a seizure and lost memories and the mockery of children for my daughter…..sometimes it’s just too much.
I want to remember freedom — it is fading from my mind.
To find out more about Five Minute Fridays, click here.